This is the MercyTalk Podcast. MercyTalk is brought to you by Mercy Multiplied. We exist to encourage, equip, and empower both men and women with the same biblically based principles we've seen work for over thirty five years in our residential homes. If you want to find out more, head on over to mercymultiplied.com.
Speaker 2:Hey everyone, welcome to MercyTalk. I am one of your hosts, Doctor. Brooke Keals. I'm the senior director of counseling and program strategy here at Mercy Multiplied.
Speaker 3:And I'm Melanie Wise. I'm the senior director of outreach here at Mercy.
Speaker 4:Hey, and I'm Rachel Thomas. I'm the podcast coordinator and content specialist and guys we wanted to announce real quickly before we hop into today's episode that we asked you guys to leave reviews, to listen and rate us on Apple podcasts And thank you so much for doing that because we have a winner today. Whoo. And winner yes. The winner will receive a very soft, comfortable, nonjudgmental live free, stay free black t shirt.
Speaker 4:It's awesome. I love it. Is nonjudgmental? Nonjudgmental, meaning it's comfortable. It's not gonna, like, it's not gonna get tight after the holiday.
Speaker 4:Oh.
Speaker 3:I've never heard of shirt.
Speaker 2:I didn't
Speaker 3:know that was a thing.
Speaker 4:I just I just think I made it a thing.
Speaker 3:I like it. Can use That that in terms
Speaker 4:are nonjudgmental.
Speaker 3:It's Yeah.
Speaker 2:So it's not that it doesn't fit me. That the shirt is judgmental.
Speaker 3:That such a great lead into our conversation today.
Speaker 4:Exactly, guys.
Speaker 3:It's not my fault. It's the shirts.
Speaker 4:That's That's right. Comfy shirt and
Speaker 2:That's how I live my life.
Speaker 3:That's Nonjudgmental
Speaker 4:shirts, y'all. So our winner for this giveaway is, and I'm gonna read out her username, it's sarahstanley14. So girl, you the winner. Congratulations. And thank you to everybody who left reviews, comments.
Speaker 4:It's not too late as far as please still leave us reviews and comments. We will be doing more giveaways in the future, but your comments on there actually help other people find our podcast. So if you will take time to do that today, we would so appreciate it.
Speaker 3:Yes, absolutely. Well, we are excited to be back with you guys this week. And we are, I mean, y'all were on the fast track to Christmas. It is coming. The is getting fat.
Speaker 3:Actually, I don't don't know why that's that's the song. It Christmas is coming.
Speaker 4:The goose is getting fat. Oh, I didn't know that.
Speaker 3:Please put a penny in the old man's hat. What? Muppets? Nothing? Oh my goodness.
Speaker 3:Somebody listener. Somebody out there. What was your Christmas like? You never knew the Muppets Christmas? Oh.
Speaker 2:No. Yeah. I wasn't a wasn't a Muppets girl.
Speaker 3:Oh my goodness. Wow.
Speaker 4:If
Speaker 3:listening
Speaker 2:That's not true, don't go watch it if you've never seen it. Side note.
Speaker 3:We're not promoting lethal Weapon.
Speaker 2:I just want to say they used to show it on TV in the edited version. And a couple years ago, Scott and I were like, we should watch the greatest Christmas movie of all time, Lethal Weapon. About five minutes in, was like, I don't remember that scene. Woah. Yep.
Speaker 2:So anyway, sorry.
Speaker 3:Just a heads up.
Speaker 4:Add some stuff.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you never know what you're gonna learn here on MercyTalk everyone. But those are a few tips as we start. You got a new word for shirts that are too tight. You know more about lethal weapon. And a Christmas song
Speaker 2:that no one's ever And a
Speaker 3:Christmas song. We've already covered a lot of ground, guys. Wow. All right. Focus.
Speaker 3:Here we go, guys. So if you have been with us, you know, for these last few weeks, months, you know that we have been diving into like every issue we could think of when it comes to family dynamics, boundaries, attachment, all of the good stuff prior to this year's holiday season. And we just wanted to kind of take the opportunity to link up like what we have been discussing with an issue that we all experience. Bless it. And we are talking about entitlement.
Speaker 3:Now you may hear that and you may be like, I don't experience entitlement. I don't have kids. Well, guys, one of the unfortunate things we will be talking about today is that this actually is not just an age related, age specific issue. I feel like entitlement is always associated with kids, typically with teenagers, yeah, I think. But as we have learned some about entitlement and as we will discuss today, it is not just about kids, even though we're gonna dive into that.
Speaker 3:We're gonna talk about, you know, if you do have kids in your life, and that doesn't mean just if you're like a mom or dad, you're an uncle, if a grandparent, we are gonna talk about the importance of setting boundaries with kids when it comes to entitlement, especially during the Christmas season. But we're also gonna talk about how this applies to really all of us and how we can even pass entitlement on to other people, our children.
Speaker 2:No, Mel, I love that. I mean, I feel like all of our stuff starts with like, here's all the terrible things that you could pass down to your children, but don't worry.
Speaker 3:Awesome. Jesus loves you.
Speaker 4:Being a parent.
Speaker 2:No, I like that. We did, was it last spring? We did a podcast series on the entitlement cure by the one and only John Townsend. Still holding out for him to be my best friend. He can be all of ours, I'll share him.
Speaker 2:I'll take you. Yeah, that was one of the things we learned is that entitlement is a universal issue of all age groups, of all shapes and sizes, if you will, and it's not an easy read, so I to be clear about that. You're not going to dive in and be like, that was just so mean, it's pretty heady, but it's a good book. Maybe listen to it on audio if you don't have time. It just really can point out some incredible points of like, oh, I've been entitled in that area my whole life.
Speaker 2:And as you said, the fun fact is we pass this stuff down, so we want to be able to take care of it. But he talks about, like we mentioned, it's not exclusive to any age range, any stage of development, and usually we think other people have the entitlement problem. But what entitlement actually is, just to pause on that note, is the belief that one is exempt from responsibility, And it can show up in little ways that we don't even realize. Jon Townsend calls it the pocket entitlement when we think we are owed special treatment in specific areas. So, I remember Melanie, when you and I got to listen to him speak at that conference, we snuck in.
Speaker 2:Oh, man. I mean, we were allowed to be there, but
Speaker 3:we also were like, Townsend speaking,
Speaker 2:and we ran. We literally ran to hear it. And he talks about any time that you feel you deserve something, it actually absconds you from all responsibility. And so after hearing that, I realized how many times I'd be like, well, I deserve or you deserve or whatever. No, we don't deserve any of it.
Speaker 2:That's not true. Not from a place of criticism, but when you actually shift into looking at being humble actually means, and like in Romans twelve:three, says, Don't think of yourself more highly than you ought. I feel like you all gave me that verse specifically, so I'll try not to offend it in that. But I mean, that's fine. It's fine.
Speaker 2:But what really happens when we're talking about entitlement in the holidays is when we get into refusing to say no to things, especially this year because we're all tired.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes.
Speaker 2:Very, very tired. We're stressed out and we know that if we say no, it's going to cause a meltdown and it does. Setting boundaries, saying no, teaching someone character takes a lot of energy. And so then we don't do it and then we might feel guilty for something we've messed up, and then sometimes you're just like, I just want to say yes, so you're nice to me today.
Speaker 4:Yes. Right.
Speaker 2:Because I just don't have it in me, right? And that could be any age of child. I think that it's just really easy to do that. And from our own desire to avoid pain, we actually will enter into this enabling relationship of like, if I give you what you need, you will be nice to me and I get to feel good. And so we're avoiding pain and we're also avoiding effort, and then we kind of get reinforced with it.
Speaker 2:So if my kid's like, can I have pizza tonight for the fifth night in a row? And I'm like, no, and then he's upset. We have to go into this. I'm like, to what end? To what end?
Speaker 2:Do you get to have it? Or whatever the thing is. But anyhow, that's just
Speaker 3:Yeah, a little man, I've been learning this. Oh gosh. Like now that my child is 19 old, I'm like, Oh no, it starts like every single time I make the decision to do the easier thing in the moment just to make it easier. It always turns into a bigger monster the next time. I'm like, okay, I'm learning this already.
Speaker 3:Like short term quick fixes, create a monster. Like this doesn't work well with children. I'm like, you choose your battles.
Speaker 2:Sure. The thing is we as adults have a frontal lobe, so we can go, okay, in this moment, I'm going to let this happen.
Speaker 4:Sure, sure, yes.
Speaker 2:And then later, I am going to pay for it. I'm aware of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3:yeah. Yes. And then I'm going
Speaker 2:let this happen. But I think getting into that delusion of like, but I've given you what you want, you should be good to me kind of thing can get really messy.
Speaker 3:It's almost always that fact. Oh,
Speaker 4:man. Brooke, I've had your voice in the back of my mind so many times when I'm at Target because I think you've kind of joked about this with, you know, if you buy the kid a toy every time at Target and then that one time you don't, well, they're gonna expect it. And it's like, Why am I having this meltdown? Oh because the dollar section. I just every time I'm permanent you know side note you know like I have my own issues with the dollar section.
Speaker 4:But it's like yes, it's like the easier painless way of avoiding what I know needs to be done. But really when it comes to saying no, it's funny because I actually struggle with that with myself. Like, you know, I feel like, oh, had a hard day or in heck, I mean, 2020 has been filled with multiple hard days. And so it's like, I deserve this venti mocha white chocolate double
Speaker 3:shot, whatever. I mean, more than
Speaker 4:double shot. Mean, know, it's just like all the things. And so I start to get it's funny when you read the definition of entitlement because it just confirmed, oh, yeah, it's it's the, you know, avoidance of responsibility or whatnot. So in that moment, I'm going, I deserve this because I experienced this. So I'm not, you know, I take no responsibility for my health, for, you know, if I'm making, you know, excuses for myself and my job.
Speaker 4:Oh, well, they should understand because I'm just, I just think it's funny because that same no thing I struggle with my kid, I can see that in myself in areas I just, you know, we love to know like, am I alone? Do you guys ever struggle with that?
Speaker 3:I mean, everything that you're saying, I'm like, uh-huh. Like, I'm just thinking, you know, at the time of this recording, this previous month of my life might have been the hardest month of my life. Like overall, just back to back to back stuff. And I'm constantly like, do you know what I need? This like what?
Speaker 3:And I'm like, and I need it because my it'll make my soul feel better. I mean, I literally and sometimes that is the white chocolate mocha with peppermint, of course. I mean, just did that yesterday. Brooke looked, you were like, you need Starbucks, right? And I was like, are you kidding me right now?
Speaker 3:Like, I
Speaker 2:like to have others join me.
Speaker 3:I mean, like, don't want to make dinner tonight. I want to go pick up Thai food because that's good for my heart right now or whatever it is. I mean, it's not just about food and drink. It's often about food and drink, but like, yeah, went to target not too long ago, saw something and I was like, this would be good for my heart right now. So I'm like, I've been living in that world right now.
Speaker 3:And I'm actually even interested to know what y'all think about like there is, feel like maybe this is me just really making some excuses right now. But I'm like, where's the line between entitlement and like genuine self care? I'm not trying to say that my white mochas are self care all the time. Sometimes
Speaker 4:they are. But sometimes.
Speaker 3:But I mean, like truly, you know, when it comes to like, what do I need today? Like Rachel, you and I've already been brainstorming a future podcast that's about like truly assessing what do I need right now? Right. Where's the line when it comes to us? Not our kids maybe per se, but just us and coming to true self care.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's
Speaker 3:good. I don't know.
Speaker 2:No, I think, I mean, actually to me, you just pointed out a very distinct difference between entitlement and self care. So one is I am owed, and the other is I am responsible for. So if I'm responsible for myself, I'm like, you know what, I'll pick on this, cause I'm terrible at self care. If you are good at it, can you just email us and Yes. Let us But yeah, so like I had a migraine for like four days in a row and Scott was like, For the love, go get a massage and handle your business.
Speaker 2:Like go and do it. But I was like, Oh, I don't know. He was like, What are because you just need to be in pain all day. Like what is You know what I'm saying? So like there's this thing of you shouldn't have to fight to just take care of yourself.
Speaker 2:But to me when I'm doing I deserve this, when it's like, well, I know we budgeted for that, but I'm kind of like, feel sad today, or I'm really stressed. Right. We like go and do the thing and you know, get which look first off, Starbucks is completely okay.
Speaker 3:Don't mess. Don't mess with Starbucks.
Speaker 2:We're not going there. But, you know don't add up the stars that you've gotten for the year and see how much you've spent. Anyway I just think that you know but we do pass that down like you were talking about like when we go into Target and if every time we go into Target the kids get something from the dollar spot, you know. And my favorite is when they get old enough, like mine is, to go, just so I'm clear, this is what he said to me. You know
Speaker 3:what he says? You get
Speaker 2:to get things at Target. I don't get to get things at Target. You know what I said? Correct.
Speaker 3:Correct. That's correct.
Speaker 5:Mercy Multiplied exists to provide opportunities for all to experience God's unconditional love, forgiveness, and life transforming power. Our residential program is for women ages 13 to 32 and our outpatient services are for women ages 13 and older. Both programs are voluntary, biblically based and completely free of charge. Our goal is to help women in our programs permanently stop destructive cycles, discover purposes for their lives, and experience God's unconditional love, forgiveness, and life transforming power. If you or someone you know would like to apply to one of our programs or you'd simply like to find out more information, you can start by heading to our website at mercymultiplied.com.
Speaker 2:You know, it's that thing of like when they are losing their mind and we get mad at them, kind of just going on your example that it is like, but I did this.
Speaker 3:Sure.
Speaker 2:So I think if we can just take that minute of like, I did this, which hopefully will give us the grit to get through. I did this and I don't want to do it again. So let me have this battle now. Let's get it done now. Or let's do what we need to do.
Speaker 2:And sometimes that's generally planning. It's usually not in the moment. They're losing their mind and we're having this very adult conversation in Target. But I don't know, to me that's the difference, right? Is the entitlement is I'm owed something and the self care piece is like, I'm responsible for myself, for my family, like we do need to take care of ourselves.
Speaker 2:What are the goals that we have? And a lot of it too is actually just being planned out. And Melody, you're really good at that. I mean, I know I've been the one to come in your office and be like, you want Starbucks, right? And you're like, no, I can't.
Speaker 2:I'm like, no, it's fine. It's fine, you can.
Speaker 3:But I do like that I think, as I was thinking through it, I'm like, there is such a big difference just between the mentality behind it. It's like, I deserve this. Or, you know, I mean, I could think even last night, my husband and I were talking about our anniversary, which is coming up and it's like, this has been an unbelievably hard year, but an incredibly hard month. And like, this would just be such a gift to us. Like, I don't think I deserve to go to a fancy restaurant, but like that would just be a sweet treat for us right now.
Speaker 3:And it's, it's a gift. I see it as a gift. I actually see it as kind of undeserved. But so I do, I think that's so good just to point out, like the mentality behind that stuff is really the game changer, whether it's entitlement or you actually see it as a blessing and a gift that is undeserved. Is really just kinda good for the heart.
Speaker 2:And it usually comes like our perception of that. I mean, just like we're talking about how we raise our kids comes from how we were raised. I mean, Melanie, you and I've talked about this.
Speaker 4:Yeah, mean,
Speaker 2:just last few months. Of just, And I've seen this and I've talked about this on other podcasts, but it's been a long time. But when I was running that addiction treatment center for adolescent males, and you would just see these parents who had nothing worked really hard to have a lot, and then they would just overindulge their kid because they didn't want them to feel the way they felt.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 2:And so, but having to really get in, which is such a, from the heart, I mean, that's what they want. I don't want them to know what it's like to struggle and not be able to go out to eat or not be able to do all these things. The problem is they're not grateful for it because they've had it their whole life. In the struggle, in working for it, in earning it, is where you are humble and where you do appreciate it and where your heart is grateful. And it's a positioning of the heart.
Speaker 2:And so if you've got a kid who's never struggled or worked or tried for anything, that breeds entitlement because they don't know any different. They've never and had so it doesn't the positioning of our heart towards our kids cannot be that they never feel pain. Or on the other side of the dad, was that we never got anything handed to us, and I want to be able to give my kids something better. All of us have that heart, but the enemy does, man. He comes in and he twists it.
Speaker 2:And sometimes it's out of rebellion, you know what, I'm going to buy this because I'm sick of feeling bad that we don't have money, and I'm going to get what I want. But the question is, what is our heart? What are the experiences we've had that inform us, and what are we trying to teach our kids? My husband and I talk about this in kind of in the same way that Scott grew up with a lot of trauma, and so if his dad ever wanted to go outside and play baseball with him, he would have crawled over anybody to go do that. Right.
Speaker 2:Well, Liam is like, yeah, mean, we can go, you know, and he's like, I just don't understand. You know, I would have given anything to play with my dad. I'm like, right, well, dad didn't love you. Like he didn't you know what I'm saying? Like he didn't love you well.
Speaker 2:Let me say that. Didn't love him. Loved you well, and you were trying to earn something. Liam doesn't have trauma, thank God yet, right? I mean, he doesn't have trauma, so he's not functioning out of a place of filling a need.
Speaker 2:He thinks we're here all the time. He's like, I'll just talk to you anytime I want to. And so we have to teach him different, and we can't be offended that he doesn't understand
Speaker 3:his Right, that he's not going to be like, wow, dad. That's what he knows.
Speaker 2:That's right. And we've even had to dig into things like, are we getting ticked off at him? Are we offended at him for having a better life in some ways? We've had to really get into some weird stuff that you really never thought of, if that makes sense, until you have a kid sitting
Speaker 3:Which in to me just points back to yo, we got got to deal with our stuff. Yeah. Like just the more heal. I mean, this is like such basic, like Mercy thought. This is like the more healed and whole and free that you are as a person is just going to make you that much healthier as in anything, as a friend or a spouse or a parent.
Speaker 3:And so if you're like, Oh gosh, you know, I feel like I've done this. I feel like I do this. Okay. As we would always say, like the answer to that is not to just like stop, like we'll stop doing that. Stop treating my kid like that or stop being offended or stop buying my kid all the things because I didn't have it.
Speaker 3:No, the answer to that is I need to go back and keep working on my stuff.
Speaker 4:I need to keep
Speaker 3:working on my wounds. I need to keep working on the forgiveness, whatever that looks like. Cause as you work on your stuff, that stuff is gonna start to like kind of take care of itself. Doesn't mean you won't have to be mindful of it because it's probably gonna like always wanna try to creep in. But just the more healed and whole you get, the less that's gonna affect your approach, especially with your kids.
Speaker 4:Oh my gosh. Yeah. And I can so see too, you're talking about Brooke, how, you know, we want our kids to have everything that we didn't have. We want have we want them to experience pain. Yeah.
Speaker 4:I mean, I don't think anybody is sitting around going, man, you know, I sure hope my kid like has a rough day. And but but my but I guess what I have been what I've been learning more and more, especially in this season that we're in, is that my desire for my kids to avoid pain at all costs is actually very costly. Going to create what you said already, this sense of entitlement, but also it's gonna create a person who doesn't know how to, doesn't have any resilience for the world that's waiting for them. And so I think Townsend talked about this about the next hard thing or what the next hard thing is that you need to do. But I guess that's also reframed just my whole view in this conversation of going like, okay, me me allowing my kid to work hard to even experience maybe some failures in some areas and having to repair that, like that's not being mean.
Speaker 4:Yes. Know, that's not being cruel. But I think so many times like in my effort to go, well, I don't want them to have it. I don't want this to be hard for them like it was for me. It's almost like I don't know.
Speaker 4:I try to play God in a sense and I go, okay, well, know it's good for you to have everything you want, you know, in this moment. Right.
Speaker 3:Yeah. Right. It's a gift to let your kid experience hurt and pain because like they're about to go. I mean, at some point they're going to go into a world that is sure not going to be out to like, make sure they're not feeling bad. And so like, and I'm telling myself this because I'm just barely starting on this journey of just like, like it is actually it, I think I've shared the story before of the parents whose teenager like fell off the deep end for apparently no reason.
Speaker 3:And the parents went to the counselor and was like, we don't understand. We did everything for them. We gave everything that they ever wanted to them. We protected them from all pain. And they're like, oh, okay.
Speaker 3:Well, that's why they lost their mind. Cause they actually went into a high school and into a world that wasn't all about making them feel good about themselves and they had no idea how to navigate that. And so I'm like, Oh, I always have that story in my head of like, I am doing my kid no long term good by keeping them from pain and hurting.
Speaker 2:So physically. It's such a paradox. That's I love that. That's such a good like, yep, you know, kind of thing. We do that, but it's such a paradox because we're trying to protect them from this cruel world And then we don't prepare them for it.
Speaker 3:And then they have to go into it.
Speaker 2:And then we're just going to feel bad again that we didn't so it's like, let's do it now while we can talk with them and do it in a managed way, which is frankly how the Lord deals with us. You talk about he doesn't give us more than we can handle. And the reality of that, kind of if you apply it to parenting, are those small things. I can't tell you how many times my kid has come home and said something that happened with another kid, and it brings up stuff
Speaker 3:from when
Speaker 2:I was in fourth grade. And then as an adult, I'm like, can I punch a child? No, we don't do that? Good asking. And so I would never punch a child just in case.
Speaker 4:Oh girl, we know.
Speaker 2:I feel like I should say that. But it brings up our own stuff, but thankfully Scott's been able to help me in those moments and I can help him in those, in the others, but it's like, okay, so how are you And we started asking him, so how are you going to work it out? What is kind of the plan here? As on the inside, I'm like, no. And then we have really had to, and it has been hard, wait until he does the interventions we've asked him to do or talk to him about or he's planned, and then we will go talk to the teacher.
Speaker 2:Or then we will go and do that stuff. And I've just been, I'm not patting us on the back because this is straight from the Lord. I've just been thankful to see what has happened out of that. And that we fostered this kid who has such a kind heart, a little bit of grit and a little bit of resilience, but not going so far where Scott and I are, which is, you were mean to me, so obviously I destroy your life. I will destroy you.
Speaker 2:Mean, that's, and this kid doesn't have it in him. And I was like, we don't want give him that. We're not making him, You know, that's not what we want to do. And so I know, Melanie, you've heard me process that out with you. It's been a long road, you know, but I just think hard to see on this side of it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the fruit of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And then looking back, I'm like, Oh God, I see it. Also, and he's not doing things to us, but there are tough situations in the world. And he is like, If you talk to me about it, I'm going to help you. How do you want it to end?
Speaker 2:What's my heart in it? What's your heart in it? How do we figure this out together? He doesn't just make problems go away. It's not usually, like we've said, it's in that process that we grow and mature.
Speaker 2:And so it's no different for our kids.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. I think that's so good. Well, it's true. Our shows always end up turning into parenting shows. Lately they have been.
Speaker 3:But no, think that's just good because what we're talking about is this idea of entitlement that the world owes me, that the world is out to make my life happy. I think what we're saying is like, how we not foster that thought process in our children? But then how do we also assess it in ourselves especially as we're walking into this holiday season, is just like swimming with entitled people. Adults and children, self included. I'm trying to say I'm not exempt from this at all.
Speaker 3:But you know, one thing that's been really helpful, especially this year, and we kind of talked about this I think a few episodes ago, is just the power of gratitude. And just that, you know, gratitude doesn't have to be associated with your circumstances or how much you have or how much you don't have. You know, in that show that we did on it, we talked about Philippians four, Paul talks about how he's learned the secret of being content in every situation, whether in want or whether in plenty or in need, right? So like obviously his contentment had nothing to do with how much he had. And so it's just, for him it was remembering like, no matter what I have or don't have, I have Jesus And that's what I need and that's how I'm content.
Speaker 3:And so I think for us to approach, especially even this season, just how do we cultivate gratitude in ourselves first, and then how does that pass on to our kids? And I know that one thing that can be really powerful in that is just the importance of just being able to serve and give and pour Like it's really hard to feel entitled, like I deserve something when I'm giving and pouring out. Right? And so finding ways to serve this season might be very difficult for everybody because they're staying home. Right?
Speaker 3:So there's like going to have to be some creative ways to do that. But how can I look to the needs? You know, this is going to sound kind of ridiculous, but like every month I actually have it on my calendar because Of course you do. I have to plan. But like I have it on my calendar to be like, who is somebody that is in need right now that I haven't considered serving?
Speaker 3:Like who is somebody in my life that's hurting? Who is somebody in my life that could use a meal? Who is somebody in my life? And so, you know, maybe it's just getting really intentional with yourself and with your kids of saying like, where is there a need and what could we do to meet it? And it might not be like physically going and hands and feet right now doing some sort of act of service, but like, what can I give?
Speaker 3:What can I do to love somebody in need right now? But also there's just like the generosity piece of like, who can I financially bless in this season? How can we trust God with what He's given to us and bless another person, bless another family, bless an organization? What can you do to be really intentional about that, especially in the holiday season with yourself, with your kids? I'm actually kind of looking forward to my kid getting older because that's something that I really want to try to foster during the Christmas season of like, who can you bless?
Speaker 3:Who can we serve? Who can we give to? Like that that would try to be a focus of the season so that it's not all about what do you want? What do you want? Where's your list?
Speaker 3:What do you want? There's nothing wrong with asking the question. I'm just saying like, also balancing that with how can we give, how can we serve.
Speaker 4:Yeah. That's so good. No, love that. Even, you know, practical ways, generosity, who can you give to, who can you think about first before your own needs, even learning to say no, saying no to yourself, saying no to your kid, even silly as this sounds, planning out like gift expectations with your kids, know, goodness, with your family, like, hey, this year, here's what we're going to do. I know in the past we've done this, but this year it's going to look like this.
Speaker 4:Why? Because we want to be more intentional about having a grateful heart. I mean how you know however that looks for you and your family. Anyways those gosh that just is like a huge reminder of just some really I say easy, but very tangible ways to leave today and go and actually cultivate that gratitude in your own heart. Do you guys have any other thoughts or anything, especially regarding Christmas and holiday and all that?
Speaker 2:I just had two things that came up. One is, if you're hearing what Melanie was saying about how can I serve others or how can I financially or whatever, and that kind of binds you up, I think that it's starting with just sitting down with you and the Lord and starting with what are you grateful for just in your own space? You know what I mean? Because sometimes it can feel like I'm so stressed out about paying the bills or doing this other thing, but it is a place of the heart. Sometimes I believe giving and serving can shift your heart, but I think sometimes if you're just like, we get so bound up, we just don't do anything.
Speaker 2:And I'm saying this as someone who has had to get their tail kicked the last few months of figuring out how to be grateful in not knowing what's going to happen next. So I say that from such a heart of that. And I think the other thing, Rachel, you mentioned is the gifts and all that. One thing that we have done with Liam that because someone else told us to. I heard this a long time ago and basically now it was not out of a heart of kindness that this guy did it, but make his kids, if they wanted a new toy for Christmas, they had to give up however many new toys they wanted, they had to donate.
Speaker 2:So what that sat with me was what we do every year is, okay, Liam, let's go through and we're gonna donate every toy you don't play with. So he goes and picks all the toys and then we donate them. And what that's really done is one is we give before we receive. It's provided this heart of Now he's like, okay, well it's time to box some stuff up. So he started giving toys away to his friends.
Speaker 2:And And it's kind of been this cool then I don't feel bad if grandma and grandpa want to go all out. But I just think that that was just something really cool that's blessed our lives and I'm really thankful that we ended up doing that. And those things you just happen to do, and I think even that being grateful for, Hey look, I did something good. Merited Yes. Well in this one area.
Speaker 4:No that's so good. So so good. In fact I'm like can't see it but I'm taking little notes. My kids also don't know it in the next room. I'm like going through closets
Speaker 2:this
Speaker 4:weekend giving away everything. Hey and also it also has benefits for you too. No this is this is such a helpful conversation. It was a very timely reminder. I needed this especially over the next couple of weeks.
Speaker 4:Again, holidays, but really like all throughout the year. Let this be let this also not be a shame filled conversation. Like please, we're not saying like you go get Starbucks today if you say yes to your kid in the grocery store line. We're not saying you're a bad parent.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Just to be aware of those things about yourself. And Brooke even said this a moment ago, like, if if being generous or giving things away, if you if you feel that kind of, you know, sit uncomfortably with you or even like, I don't know how to do that. Sit with the Lord, sit with the Lord. Take time to thank Him for what He has given you and even ask Him, Lord, where is this place of maybe even this poverty mentality that I'm afraid of giving things away or I'm afraid if I go without, I won't be able to get it again. Anyways, that's a whole another topic.
Speaker 4:Hope that as you go forward in the next couple weeks that the spirit of gratitude and thankfulness will just cause you to overflow, with generosity for all that God has done for you. So we hope this is helpful and encouraging and we will see
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